Why we should be more compassionate towards bigots, racists, xenophobes, homophobes, and sexists
Why do some people manifest strong hateful energy from deep within them? What perpetuates people to exhibit the same hateful behaviours that are at the root of hate crimes?
I’ve been pondering this a lot lately, and for good reasons. I’ve been wanting to get to the root of this, so we can make progress toward creating a more cohesive and compassionate world in which we can all coexist.
Whereas most people would feel abomination towards these subset groups of bigots, racists, xenophobes, homophobes, and sexists, I can’t help but feel bad for people who have cruel hearts. Taking it one step further, I believe we should try to be more empathetic and kind towards those “haters”.
Being a Chinese Canadian healthcare provider during a global pandemic that originated in China was an eye-opening experience. Two years after COVID-19 initially sent the world in a flurry of panic, we have now transitioned into craving a sense of normalcy. But in a time where hate crimes against Asian Americans have increased by 337%, it is difficult to deny the lingering effects that COVID-19 has left us with, especially the deep-rooted scars left within the AAPI community.
I recognize my privilege. I also recognize that others’ experiences with long-standing systemic racism are more crippling. That’s beside the point. It does not diminish others’ experiences and that only further perpetuates divisiveness amongst us. I’ve always maintained that supporting and advocating for one group does not automatically diminish the experiences of another. There is space for us ALL to feel empowered and in turn, empower others.
As such, I feel compelled to reflect on my own experiences and speak up. Much like other accounts of xenophobia towards the Asian community, I too, had experienced it in a seemingly expected manner.
My fellow nursing colleagues and I endured this xenophobic attack when we stepped out of the hospital during our lunch break to pick up some protein bars and coffee that a kind donor had dropped off. It is at this time when dressed down in scrubs and left vulnerable, that a cruel perpetrator yelled out “You’re all Asian. F**k you, you’re responsible for COVID.” He then continued to utter racial slurs and became visibly distressed.
A bystander had kindly responded in our defence by saying “F**k off” and shook their head in disbelief. I, on the other hand, stood stone frozen and silent in utter shock. It had subsequently taken me 2 years to fully process this xenophobic attack. For me to understand something, I need to dig deeper to understand why.
Why do people act out of hate?
I’m not a psychologist or an expert in humanity, but I’ve come to realize that hate lies in both internal and external aspects: (1) Lack of Purpose & Self-compassion, and (2) Ignorance & Lack of Social Awareness
Lack of Purpose in Life & Lack of Self-Compassion
Hate is the byproduct of a lack of misunderstanding towards oneself. A lot of this stems from a lack of intellectual capacity and inherent insecurity toward perceived external threats.
It is my strong belief that people who are self-aware, practise self-compassion, and truly love themselves are less inclined to exhibit hateful behaviours.
Some haters feel threatened when their “superiority” is compromised because they are inherently insecure in their worth and identity. Or perhaps, they have a hyper-inflated ego and grandiose illusion of their meaning and purpose in life. So much so that they feel the need to stubbornly convince us to believe in their cause.
Do not regress. If we fight back and respond with kindness, we can make them understand that they lack awareness.
Ignorance & Lack of Social Awareness
Ignorance stems from a lack of social awareness and consideration.
Imagine living with such hateful internal energy that it blinds you from seeing crystal clear realities. Imagine believing a prevailing thought without possessing the capacity to evaluate whether it is true or you hold that belief because someone had told you it should be that way. It must be terrifying to live in a blinding light of ignorance.
What we may perceive as logical, unfortunately, is not for many people. It almost feels futile to convince them to view thoughts in a different light if they are incapable of doing so.
As someone who is open-minded and embraces change, I continuously re-evaluate previously-held beliefs and ponder ways to look at things a little differently. When I truly do not know something, I dig a bit deeper and then view it from different angles. Critical thinking and continuous education are powerful forms of privilege that should never be taken for granted.
We should try to show more tolerance towards people who are rank low on cognitive flexibility. But, at what point does true ignorance shield you from being a terrible person? That exact line is the delineation I’m in search of.
“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability; and no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.” — Bill Bullard
One thing that I know for sure is that fuelling fire with fire will only further exacerbate the underlying problem.
The next time I’m a victim of a hate crime, I have formulated a response to recite quickly. I will always respond by saying “I feel sorry for you. How can I help you become kinder?”
